LaLaGirl – Twinfinite Chaos! Parenting Multiples and Dealing with Autism

I know this post is going to make me sound like the most inept, inconsiderate driver on the road, especially after my post about the guy yelling at me in the pickup line. I SWEAR to you, though, I truly am a good driver. I used to drive like a bat out of hell, but since becoming a minivan driving mama, hauling around a whole bunch of children, I am a MODEL driver. I had an encounter just now, though, with a guy who is NOT a model driver. Model psychopath, model nutjob, maybe…any of those things.

I was driving down the freeway at the point where it ends and becomes another freeway. You have to make a decision whether you’re going to head east or west, and then pick your lane accordingly. And I, always prepared, was tooling along in the far, far right lane, all ready to exit. Me and a semi, doing about 65 – so, speeding enough that I was keeping up with traffic, but not hauling ass. Suddenly, I became aware of a car seriously tailgating me. I glanced up and saw him in the mirror, and while I was trying to decide what to do next, he got up next to me ON THE SHOULDER OF THE ROAD and rolled down his window, then he THREW A BOTTLE at my van. Who does this? Who does this, unprovoked?? Did he have a problem with my In-N-Out bumper sticker or something??

That’s not even the kicker of the story. People are assholes, I get that. Here’s the part I can’t get my head around. When I called 911 to report the guy, the operator said, “Are you willing to follow him until the police can stop him, and then file charges against him, appear in court, and testify against him? If you’re not, then there’s nothing I can do to help you.” Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Somebody smashes a bottle into my car at 70 mph, and they’re encouraging me to chase him down? What if he shot at me? Their protocol is to do … NOTHING? For reals? I said, “I’m really not comfortable provoking this guy by following him…” and she said, “Well, that’s a decision for you to make, I guess.”

Yeah, well. Decision made, bitch. I came home! Like I’m going to FOLLOW someone like that and see where he takes me. What planet is this again?

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I’m about to head out of here in a bit to go pick up P and M from kindergarten. Yesterday, I was in the pickup lane and apparently taking too long getting the kids all buckled up, because a guy pulled up next to me and bitched me out about “holding up the line” – he said “You do this every day!” I do? I had no idea! Honestly, I didn’t know it was a line, as in, nobody gets to go until I move. We’re just parked in the fire lane! I’m not blocking any magical exit route or preventing their kids from getting to their car that I’m aware of? I thought it was a situation like at the old school, where you find a spot, the kids get in, and you pull away. I had no idea it was a LINE situation.

The kids started school in July. Here we are in the middle of November, and this is the first I’ve heard that I’m disrupting the whole zenlike experience of picking up children amidst mass chaos. I was embarrassed! And I felt really bad, like I was the pain-in-the-ass parent, spoiling things for everyone. God, no wonder the other parents never talk to me! They’re probably all gathered together having coffee, rolling their eyes and talking about the bitch in the minivan who holds up the line every day.

I left the school with my tail between my legs (uh, so to speak) and headed for home. On the way, I started thinking about it and I started getting pissed about it. I called Paul and told him about it, and he was ready to take the guy’s head off. In fact, he and I just got off the phone and I had to insist to him that he DID NOT need to leave work to meet me at the school so I could point this guy out to him. He maintains that even if I was in the wrong, it was pretty ballsy for the dude to come up and confront me about it, and yell at me. And he made me promise him that if anyone confronted me in the future, I would be less apologetic and polite and make more use of the phrase “fuck off.”

I really hope things go smoothly today and in the future. I hate making a scene and I hate making a spectacle of myself and I’d really rather just BLEND IN, y’know? We’re different enough as it is. Oy. Suburban middle class white men in SUVs are SCARY!

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