LaLaGirl – Twinfinite Chaos! Parenting Multiples and Dealing with Autism

There’s just too much of it everywhere! You can just turn to Google any old time, and scare the pants off of yourself reading horror stories about every ailment you can imagine. Internet, I hate you. Because I can’t quit you! The minute I find out anything, I have to immediately Google it to death so I can obsess about it for the next day and a half. Why? Why do we do this to ourselves?

Yesterday, the doctor’s office called. They apparently forgot that we spoke on Friday, so they called and said, “We’re seeing a cyst in one of the ventricles in your brain, and we need you to come back in for an MRI to make sure that’s all it is.” Ventricle! A new word to search for! Yeah, bad idea. Now I know that it’s right in the middle of my brain, instead of just, like, a wayward tangle they saw in my hair.

I’ve had several people tell me they know someone who was told they had a “brain cyst” (doesn’t that just SOUND gross? Having a cyst anywhere is gross, but in your brain? Sick! I USE my brain! It’s not like having a cyst on my elbow joint or something!) and it turned out to be either nothing, or nothing they had to do anything about. And then I’ve read several more stories where people had to have surgery. So, I’m guessing it’s one of two things: 1. Nothing. or 2. Something. I almost wish they would have just insisted I come in for another test but not told me why, y’know? I’m mostly fine and going on about my business, but then late at night I start thinking about the possibility of having surgery and get my head shaved and possibly DYING and stuff, and then I lie in bed and weep. Sucks, man! I wish they would have placed more of a priority on getting me in there just to ease my MIND!

But hey. What are you gonna do? I say, ’tis the season for eating candy corn.

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It always does. That’s what I tell people when I don’t know what else to say. Today, I picked up Pablo from preschool and his teacher asked me to stay for a moment. She introduced me to the mom of a brand new student in class. A newly diagnosed autistic boy, who has a twin sister not on the spectrum. His mom was brand new to all of this and not sure what to do. I felt so bad for her. She’s still in shock a little from the diagnosis, and sort of burying her head in the sand a little, I think. (Aside: I read an awesome quote on my friend’s MySpace page the other day along the lines of, If you bury your head in the sand, you make your ass a bigger target. Hehe.) She said she just doesn’t want to accept the diagnosis, and she’s really angry about all of it, and hasn’t done much as far as researching and trying to figure out where to go.

I so remember being there! Hearing that your kid is autistic…well, it sucks. I mean, I can honestly say now, approximately two years later, that it’s not that big of a deal. It really isn’t! You redefine your idea of “normal” and you figure out what works for your family, and you just move forward in life. It doesn’t mean it’s EASY, and it doesn’t mean you’re jumping for joy because your kid is struggling to communicate and make sense of social situations, but it isn’t the end of the world, either. It’s the same as having twins, really – people say, “How do you do it?” and the answer is, “You just do.”

Pablo’s teacher and I both told this mommy to give herself permission to be angry. It really is like mourning a death – the death of your expectations and your plans and dreams. That’s not to say there won’t be new plans and dreams. The hardest thing, in my opinion, is the not knowing. Will my child be fairly typical in a couple of years? Will he be one of those “quirky” folks who you think is just eccentric, and you don’t realize right away he’s autistic? Or will he live at home with us all his life watching Yo Gabba Gabba and sleeping with Spongebob? We just don’t know. And that’s what’s hard.

I want to wrap up that mom in a big hug and just reassure her that it’s going to get better. Time heals, y’know? The autism doesn’t go away, but you figure out how to MANAGE it. You figure out what your individual child needs in order to learn and grow and thrive. You branch out and meet new people you never would have met otherwise. And I really think the key is just not allowing yourself to feel like you’ve been struck by tragedy. If you’re brand new to all of this rollercoaster, let me assure you: It DOES get better. It does. Hang in there.

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