LaLaGirl – Twinfinite Chaos! Parenting Multiples and Dealing with Autism

You’d never guess that a TOTAL DICK lives here, would you?

We were parked in front of his house today, and when the kids and I were heading back to our vehicle today after school, he had just finished mowing that beautifully green lawn. His lawnmower was in the street about six inches in front of my bumper, and he was using a high pressure sprayer with his hose to clean the grass clippings off the mower. So, between the hose blocking the sidewalk, the loud FWOOOSH! of the water going everywhere, and the lawnmower itself, which he kept turning on, Pablo was a little freaked out.

I smiled at the man and asked, “Excuse me, could we just get by real quick so we can get in the car?” and he sighed heavily, turned off the hose, and motioned for us to go ahead. The hose was still draped in front of the sidewalk, though, and Pablo was freaked out by it – he was sort of fighting with me a little when I tried to grab his hand, and this guy said…

“Go! Go! What is his PROBLEM, ANYWAY?”

I said, “Actually, he doesn’t have a problem. He has autism. And he’s scared of loud noises.” The guy said, “Oh.”

Things I didn’t do, but wanted to:

• Ask, “What is YOUR PROBLEM, YOU GIANT DOUCHE?”
• Pick up the gas can from the lawn mower and use it to spell out “PABLO IS AWESOME” in his pretty grass
• Mention what a great time it is to buy a house, and how he might want to consider finding one that isn’t next to an elementary school
• Drive across his lawn as I pulled away
• Back over that damned lawnmower in my big SUV

Things I did do:

• Drove by his house after I picked up Kayley from school, so I could stop in the middle of the street and take a picture with my cell phone, so I could bitch about it on the internet.
• Felt really pissed off, because these things NEVER HAPPEN TO PAUL. The kinds of people who have no trouble at all being downright cruel to a 5-year-old child and his mommy walking down the street wouldn’t say SHIT to Paul if they had a mouthful of it. Ugh. I hope that guy catches herpes from a toilet seat.

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I know this post is going to make me sound like the most inept, inconsiderate driver on the road, especially after my post about the guy yelling at me in the pickup line. I SWEAR to you, though, I truly am a good driver. I used to drive like a bat out of hell, but since becoming a minivan driving mama, hauling around a whole bunch of children, I am a MODEL driver. I had an encounter just now, though, with a guy who is NOT a model driver. Model psychopath, model nutjob, maybe…any of those things.

I was driving down the freeway at the point where it ends and becomes another freeway. You have to make a decision whether you’re going to head east or west, and then pick your lane accordingly. And I, always prepared, was tooling along in the far, far right lane, all ready to exit. Me and a semi, doing about 65 – so, speeding enough that I was keeping up with traffic, but not hauling ass. Suddenly, I became aware of a car seriously tailgating me. I glanced up and saw him in the mirror, and while I was trying to decide what to do next, he got up next to me ON THE SHOULDER OF THE ROAD and rolled down his window, then he THREW A BOTTLE at my van. Who does this? Who does this, unprovoked?? Did he have a problem with my In-N-Out bumper sticker or something??

That’s not even the kicker of the story. People are assholes, I get that. Here’s the part I can’t get my head around. When I called 911 to report the guy, the operator said, “Are you willing to follow him until the police can stop him, and then file charges against him, appear in court, and testify against him? If you’re not, then there’s nothing I can do to help you.” Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Somebody smashes a bottle into my car at 70 mph, and they’re encouraging me to chase him down? What if he shot at me? Their protocol is to do … NOTHING? For reals? I said, “I’m really not comfortable provoking this guy by following him…” and she said, “Well, that’s a decision for you to make, I guess.”

Yeah, well. Decision made, bitch. I came home! Like I’m going to FOLLOW someone like that and see where he takes me. What planet is this again?

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