Mommy’s summertime blues.

Ohhhhh, that boy of mine! He’s been such a little pain in my ass lately. Love that child to death, but he’s been extra naughty. We just returned from a big family vacation/road trip from Denver to L.A. (more about that in another post!) and he spent much of the trip annoying Lexi, who was sitting in front of him. He quickly figured out he could make her squeal if he kicked her seat, yanked on her seatbelt, or (his personal favorite) leaned forward and blew raspberries in her hair. Since we’ve been home, he’s been teasing her and laughing his head off when she gets mad. In addition to annoying his sisters, he’s been really contrary. He’s been shouting “No!” at me pretty regularly and engaging in other annoying behavior just to bug everyone. It’s driving mama to drink.

The kids start back to school in just about two weeks, and I’m SO looking forward to it. Pablo always does so much better when he’s in his regular routine. Most of the issue right now is just boredom – and as much as he’s pissing me off, I have to admit that it’s nice to see him acting like a typical 2nd grade boy. Picking on your little sister isn’t something I can really blame on autism, y’know?

I saw a story once about a Buddhist monk who left permanent footprints in the wooden floor from praying in the same spot for decades. I’m thinking my bottom step is going to look like that before long – with a permanent butt mark in it from Pablo sitting in time out!

“Better you than me!”

Okay. I’m just curious. WHERE did this phrase come from? Who decided saying “BETTER YOU THAN ME!” was anything other than RUDE? What does it mean, really? It means, “Sucks to be you!”

Why would you ever think to yourself, Gosh, I don’t know what to say here. I want to pay this person a compliment, because they seem to do a good job of (insert life circumstance), but I want to make sure they realize that nobody else would ever choose to do what they are doing. Even though they didn’t choose to do it either, and they’re just doing the best they can. Hmmmm…I know! Better you than me! There. I’ll bet they really appreciated that compliment I gave them right now. God, I’m awesome!

Um, NO. Strike that phrase from your vocabulary altogether. There is NO CIRCUMSTANCE where saying it will make the other person feel good. It’s rude. It just is.

I’m crabby on the internets today.

I’m thinking that I’m spending too much time online. The free time I have is so precious and rare, and it feels like too much of it is frittered away on Google Reader, Twitter, and Facebook. I’ve been finding myself annoyed at things online that never bothered me before, which tells me…might be time to step away from my electronic friend.

Here’s what’s been bugging me. And, if you’re someone who does any of this, please don’t feel like I’m singling you out – I’m not at all. This isn’t a passive aggressive attempt to let someone know I’m annoyed with them. Just my own bitchiness. Okay, here we go. In random order: Things Annoying Me On The Internet!

  • RSS feeds that only show you a snippet of the post. Why even bother having a feed, really? If your post is amazing, hilarious, and entertains me, I WILL CLICK THROUGH AND COMMENT ON IT. I promise. But I don’t like feeling like I HAVE TO click through, just to read what you have to say.
  • Lengthy posts, which go into dramatic detail about how someone’s been wronged by someone else – with absolutely no detail at all about the situation itself or the parties involved. Especially when these posts are a regular feature. I want to support you, I do, but I have no idea if someone killed your relative or just cut you off in traffic.
  • Posts which invoke the LOLCATS style of writing. I just find myself annoyed by this NOW, but it didn’t bother me a couple of years ago. Maybe it’s played out. Maybe I’m played out. I’m not sure.
  • Updates on Twitter that don’t make sense. I mean, I know there’s a story there. You just aren’t effectively conveying it in 160 characters. Nice try, though! Just…write a blog post. Then link to it on Twitter. I’ll go read it! I will!
  • Pairing Twitter and Facebook, so that every single Tweet updates on Facebook as well. I used to do this, and it annoyed ME to see MY OWN crap all over my Facebook page. It annoys me more to see other people’s stuff. Not that you aren’t awesome and cool, but it’s two separate audiences, in a lot of cases. If we’re friends on both places, I don’t really want to read that update twice. And if we’re friends on FB only, I’m not interested in your “retweet” when it appears on Facebook. I can’t click on your @so-and-so and see who they are from Facebook. And you’re probably talking about something that your Facebook friends don’t even care about. If you’re doing this, consider using the Selective Twitter app for Facebook. You just need to add “#fb” to the end of your Tweet, and it will appear on Facebook. Otherwise, it just stays on Twitter.
  • Blog content which is comprised only of Flickr photos, Yelp reviews, memes using Mr. Linky, plugs for contests, sponsored content, and your Twitter feed. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of those things. But, please: celebrate this medium! Write a heartfelt, actual post once in awhile. Share some of your true self. Your readership will love you for it.

Again, wanted to state for the record: I’m not singling out ANYONE, either obviously, or passive aggressively. This isn’t about you. It’s about everyone. And I love everyone! I’m just crabby today, and wanted to put it out there!

But…it’s almost May?

ENOUGH WITH THE SNOW.

Dear Mother Nature:

ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING SNOW ALREADY. Seriously. It’s getting old. I bought new flip flops!! I put away the ice scraper! We wore shorts a couple of days ago! Get your act together, hag.

P.S. My sister sent me a text message that simply read, “WTF??” I messaged her back, “I know!!”

I love my house! But…

Holy crap, I’m missing the gigantic bedroom my kids shared at the old house. I’ve been trying and trying to come up with a good configuration for their bedroom, and somehow fit four itty bitty beds and three dressers into a standard small-ish bedroom. It’s driving me up the wall! My kids are about ready to track off from school for three weeks, and I think I should make it my goal during those three weeks to get a handle on this bedroom/playroom/toy/clothing situation. They have too many toys they don’t play with, too many clothes they don’t wear, and I can’t figure out where to put any of it. It’s fucking annoying. Wish me luck. (Anyone want me to do a product review of their awesome bunkbeds??? I’m all ears!)

Sponsored Content Ruins Search Results.

Just a small gripe, there.

Seriously, though, as someone who has actually profited from monetizing my blog, I suppose I shouldn’t side with this point of view. However, as an internet user who is trying to FIND things online, I’m realizing that monetizing blogs has all but destroyed the usefulness of search engines.

I just moved into a new house, and I’ve searched for various things over the past month – things like, bathroom fixtures, shower curtains, guides for artfully and tastefully hanging groupings of framed pictures, which is the best 47″ flatscreen TV for the money, security cameras, skins for my LG Dare, how to turn off an alarm system you know nothing about, and so on and so forth. And every time I search for something, I have to wade through pages of fake blogs and other sites that don’t help me with what I need, but which have somehow deceitfully clawed their way to the top of the search engine results. They’re accessorized with all the right keywords, and I’m sure they’re making a few bucks here and there from AdSense, but they’re doing nothing more than wasting my time and everyone else’s. It’s frustrating as fuck, really.

I wish there were some way around it. Any thoughts? Is there some “unscrupulous greedy assclown” filter I can turn on so I can ignore those fake sites and just get some real results?

My ears are not happy.

Where the f*&#$ did I pack the Q-Tips??

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