Well, I took the weekend off from the 30 Days of Truth meme. (More info about the writing prompts right here!) Now, we’re back after it. Today’s prompt is….

Day 13 — A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

All righty, then – here we go.

Dear Big Head Todd and the Monsters:

Oh, how your lyrics cut right to my soul, back in those dark days of my twenties when I was trying to figure out who I was and where my life was heading. Sooooo many amazing songs, but Bittersweet always stands out in my mind. I was still moved almost to tears when I watched this live version just now – it takes me right back to the rainy, anguished days with Live Monsters on repeat in the CD player.

Our relationship hasn’t always been a good one, though. Your songs got me through so many dark days that I used to get sad every time I’d hear It’s Alright or Please Don’t Tell Her. For years, I’d skip over your songs every time they’d pop up in my playlist – too many sad memories. I’m happy to say, though, that I’ve grown up a little bit, and figured out who I am, and so far, my stories have had mostly happy endings. So thanks for all the good music, and thanks for sticking together all these years and putting out so many awesome albums. And especially, I love that you’re a local band. You’ve got so much love your hometown fans and always put on an kickass show when you come back to Denver.

xoxo,
Laura

Day 11 — Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

I’m not sure what to write about here, should I pick my amazing physical attributes or some aspect of my sparkling personality? This will be a tough choice for me. Okay, I’ll just go for BOTH, why not.

You know, I’ve been feeling a little rode hard throughout the past few years. Having four kids in a year and a half takes a lot out of a person, and I’ve never really recovered from it. I’m not a girlie girl, and I don’t wear makeup every day. Also, I don’t dress very cute. Generally, you’ll find me in jeans, a black t-shirt, and flip flops. So I’m not racking up the compliments when it comes to things like my wardrobe, hairstyle, or not-so-fabulous ass. But people always tell me I have beautiful eyes, and I’m pretty happy with them, too. My husband and all but one of my children have brown eyes, and mine are bluish green. They ARE pretty!

Another thing I’m always complimented on, although I think people are more generous than they should be, is how patient and mellow I am when dealing with children, particularly when they’re in meltdown mode. I’ve been told many times that I have endless patience. I think it’s more that people just catch me at a good time. I feel like I have a patience meter that resets every day, and if the kids blow through my whole supply by mid-morning, the rest of the day is going to suck for all of us, because I’m going to be yelling at them for every little thing. I don’t have many days like that, though. I think being patient and taking things slow is just something I’ve learned by necessity. Having this many kids close in age, especially when one is on the autism spectrum is just…well, it’s just a clusterfuck and a half. And how else CAN you deal with that, other than just taking a deep breath, and willing yourself to get through the next ten minutes? That’s all you can do.

By the way, when I mentioned my not-so-amazing ass, it reminded me of a story. Here’s a great example of how nobody can snatch the wind from your sails like your children. I was getting ready to get in the shower a few weeks ago, totally nekkid, and I was sort of bent over looking in the cabinet for a new bottle of body wash. Lexi, one of my 5-year-olds, came up behind me and said, “Wooooow, Mommy! Wow. Is ALL of this your butt? All of it? From here…” :: pause while she walks around me :: “…aaaall the way to here?” THANKS, child. Thanks.

P.S. Got a teenager who is addicted to her cell phone? Talk with other moms right now at BlogHer about setting limits on phone usage for teens. Do it!

Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I think this is going to fall into that category of “I have a great answer for this question but don’t want to share it with everyone I know in real life.” Yeah, I’m lame, huh?

I’ve tried three times to write a good response to this post that doesn’t come across as passive aggressive and vague and hostile, which are qualities I detest in a blog post. So I’m going to have to pass on this one.

Day 09 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but they just drifted.

My playgroup mamas.

In the spring of 2005, I just happened to meet a pair of mamas at the park. It was odd for me to BE at the park, what with having two little babies and two little toddlers, but there I was. I tracked down my original blog post from May 5th, 2005, so you can see what my mood was like that day!

I am so excited!

I may pee, even!

I decided to brave taking the kids to the park by myself (my GOD. I ran my ASS OFF chasing them down. I’m thinking about tying them together next time we go.) and I met TWO STAY AT HOME MOMS who live REALLY CLOSE BY who have little girls THE SAME AGE AS MY KIDS and who have A PLAYGROUP THAT GETS TOGETHER EVERY TUESDAY!!!

Do you realize what this MEANS? I could potentially make some FRIENDS! I don’t know ANYONE out here! I haven’t ventured out of my house hardly at all in the year and a half we’ve lived here, because I’ve been pregnant practically the entire time. And now, think of it! I could have people to go to McDonald’s with! To the zoo with! The children’s museum! I can’t stop smiling!!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I feel like running around the room with my arms out, airplane style.

I dug the hell out of these chicks! They were so sweet, and got such a kick out of my big stroller ‘o babies, and eventually they were the ones who helped me through Pablo’s autism diagnosis. Their playgroup was actually pretty big, and we did a LOT of stuff! Museums, parks, McDonald’s – different stuff every week. We even had a Halloween party at my house, where we had a whole patio table full of costumed toddlers and babies decorating sugar cookies. They were my first mommy friends. Look at my sweet little monkeys – they were so LITTLE! Oh, to go back, just for a day.

I don’t know of any reason why we stopped hanging out, other than the typical reason playgroups fall apart – the kids grow older, start preschool, and life gets busy. I actually RAN INTO two of the ladies from that playgroup at Chick-fil-A last year, and we talked about meeting up for lunch, but we never made the time to do it. I guess we’re all just leading our busy little lives, alongside one another but not together. I hope they’re all well.

Sometimes I really, really miss the days when the only thing on my calendar was wellbaby checkups and playgroup!

Day 06 — Something you hope you never have to do.

Well, there are the obvious ones. Bury a child. Bury my spouse. Lose my home in a fire. Those sort of go without saying, so I’m not going to pick any of them.

I discovered recently that sometimes you just have to get through things. I sort of already knew this – I’ve HAD friends who have gone through all of those things, and seen them come out the other side. It wasn’t until last month, though, that I went through a major personal crisis in my family with one of my children. If you watched the video I posted yesterday, you probably already know that this is about Kayley. Without violating her privacy and my family’s privacy too much, I’ll simply say that she made a series of bad choices that got her into a lot of trouble and disappointed all of her parents in a major way. Our family was in crisis mode, and I blamed myself for it, big time. Thankfully, Kayley’s two dads – my ex, and my husband – both helped me get through this, so we could be on the same page getting Kayley through it.

And I’ve come to realize that we all do things that are stupid and selfish – we hurt other people – we hurt ourselves – we sometimes can’t see the consequences of our actions until it’s much too late. We all go through it. And I know from my own family and from Paul’s family that two kids can be raised by the same parents, under the same circumstances, and follow vastly different paths. And that’s okay. It’s okay to feel like you’re going through hell, and to feel like the universe is fucking you over at the moment. It’s okay to wonder why you can’t catch a break. We all find ourselves in that place, and it’s OKAY. If you haven’t seen this blog post about perfection at Single Dad Laughing, I urge you to read it – it’s excellent. And it couldn’t have come at a better time for me.

So, there are lots of things I hope I never HAVE to do, but I inevitably WILL have to do them. I will eventually lose my parents. My children will get into trouble, and disappoint me. I will disappoint them. I won’t be the best wife, mother, friend, or sister. These things will happen, and they’ll happen to you, too. But we’ll GET THROUGH THEM. It’s what we do. It’s what we have to do. So why dread it? I’d rather just enjoy today, when things are splendid!

30 Days of Truth – Day Five

Day 05 — Something you hope to do in your life.

Rabbit, Rabbit! Hey, it’s October 1st! What happened to September? Hell, what happened to August?

Okay. Something I hope to do in my life. How many times have I mentioned here that I’m writing a book? I want to write a book. I want to publish a book. Sadly, I don’t think it’s going to happen in the near future. The more I try to write, the more I suck at it. I don’t understand how I did some of my best writing while totally exhausted, running my ass off all day long dealing with four babies. Now that they’re all dressing and pooping and playing all by themselves, I actually HAVE TIME in my day. Not a lot of time, but time nonetheless! And still, I never write, beyond the wee bit of writing I do here on my blog. And gone are the days of the rambling, heartfelt, prolific blog posts. My posts now are so brief and sporadic. It makes me sad.

I’ve sat down several times, trying to WRITE again, and it always just sounds stupid. It’s like when I tried to start cooking again. I used to be this amazing cook, back in the day when I only had one child, and I had plenty of time on my hands. Then, years went by, and I had seventy more children, and I just made quick little meals to get us by. And the first time I tried to make a really nice, fancypants meal, it felt like my hands were on backwards. I was so sloppy with the knife, and I burned the rolls. I think my sauce was lumpy, too. And that’s how I feel about writing – I’m just sloppy with it. It doesn’t go anywhere. And I don’t know when I’m going to stop spinning my wheels. No time soon, looks like!

30 Days of Truth – Day Four

(This is a writing prompt for Day Four in a month-long series – details here!)

Day 04 — Something you have to forgive someone for.

I like to think I lead a charmed life. I haven’t found myself in too many unhealthy or abusive relationships, and I generally don’t spend time with people who suck – and then there’s that whole “I don’t usually hold grudges” thing I mentioned the other day. So I don’t have TOO much unfinished business floating around in my head – not many wrongs I’m waiting to be made right. But there are a few, for sure.

And as much as I want to embrace the idea of being totally truthful here, I just don’t feel comfortable pouring my heart out where this is concerned. Damned near everyone I know reads my blog, from my neighbors to my high school friends to my husband’s coworkers. I’m not looking for a public therapy session here, so the things I need to forgive people for, I’m going to go ahead and keep under my hat.

P.S. Moms are still talking about Teens and Texting over at BlogHer. Join the conversation! Also, wishing a fabulous birthday to one of my oldest and dearest friends, John Slattery!