A couple of weeks ago, on Good Friday, I stopped by my church. They were having a little walk-through with various stations where you could move at your own pace and do various activities designed to bring you closer to Jesus. At one of those stations, you were supposed to write down on a piece of paper the one thing that’s causing you the most internal pain and grief. What did I write down?
Guilt.
Man, I carry around a lot of guilt. I beat myself up over things I did in my first marriage, which ended a decade ago. I have anxiety-ridden dreams about letting people down. I get upset with myself for not living my life the way I WANT to, and I feel so paralyzed by the guilt that I can’t figure out how to change things. This is the biggest problem I have. I know the areas of my life that could be better. I know exactly what I want to fix. And I know how I want things to turn out. I just don’t have a clue how to get started. I’ve seen Alice in Wonderland, so I know what I’m supposed to do:
Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.
…but that doesn’t seem to work with my life. I’m totally overwhelmed by the amount of kids I have running around here and the resulting mess of homework and toys and laundry that goes along with them. Besides that, I stupidly volunteered for something at the beginning of the school year that takes up a fuckload of my time, and it’s not really something I can get out of. Besides these…challenges, I’ll also be the first to admit that I’m totally disorganized and kind of a slob. What all of this means is that my house is a total shit show. It’s a struggle for me every single day to just get my house clean enough. I keep thinking that one of these days, I’ll stumble upon the magic piece of the puzzle that keeps on escaping me. Whatever it is that will allow me to get lunches made and homework done. I’ll have bathrooms without moldy showers, and clean laundry that makes it into dressers and closets instead of lying around in baskets. I’ll find myself with extra time to work on that book I started writing in 2008. I’ll learn to use my new sewing machine for things besides hemming pants. I’ll serve more fresh vegetables, start working out on a regular basis, and floss every night. And my house will look like it jumped off the pages of Pinterest.
For now, I’m going to try to tackle the biggest thorn in my side: paper. What the hell do I do with all this paperwork? I have five kids in school, and they bring home the equivalent of a ream of paper every week. Where do I PUT it? How many art projects do I need to keep? And what am I supposed to do with this spelling test that screams 100%! Excellent! Can I just toss that? I have a counter in my kitchen (approximately 3 inches from where I am sitting) which is perpetually piled with paperwork. Thank God I have my purse sitting on top of the stack, keeping it all from sliding to the floor.
Speaking of purses. What do normal people do with their receipts? Apparently, this is a lesson I missed somewhere in life. You’re a mom; you do all the shopping. So you have a purse stuffed with receipts from Costco and Target and Starbucks. Plus, a big printout from the oil change place. Where does this shit go? What are you supposed to do with it? I’m being completely serious; I have no idea. I generally stuff it into my purse until my purse is too heavy to carry, and then I switch purses. Then, when I want to switch back to that purse, I pull it out of my closet and dump all the old receipts in the trash. Where are they supposed to go? What are you supposed to do with them?
I naïvely thought that when I had my children, I would be forced to become more organized. So far, that hasn’t happened, in spite of many attempts to “create a system” and “clear a path” – and if it sounds like I’m frustrated, put yourself in my poor husband’s shoes. The man is compulsively organized and neat by nature. None of that has rubbed off on me, unfortunately.
Thank God I can find time to BLOG, though. ::repacks backpack full of guilt::
Do you want to know what I do with receipts? (I switch purses all the time, btw…but my wallet is almost always the same.) When I get the receipt, I put it in my wallet (if it will fit). When I get home, the receipts go on my desk to be entered into our budget. I then record each one into Quicken (the program I use), and each receipt goes into an envelope for that month. At the end of the month, I reconcile the report in Quicken with the report I get from the bank or credit card, etc., and then I put the envelope in the file cabinet and get out a new envelope for the month.
Certain specific receipts go in the filing cabinet we have in my husband’s office for home projects, car maintenance, etc. He tracks car maintenance on a separate spreadsheet, so once they’re entered into that, they go in the file.
It sounds daunting, but I’ve been doing it for so many eyars that it’s second nature.
Good luck!!
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Oh, and apparently “eyars” is code for “years.” Jeesh.
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Guilt is horrible. You can’t beat yourself up for things in the past and like you said you have to start anew. From today. Leave things behind and make things better now. You have alot on your plate with 5 kids so you cant please everyone all the time. Your only one person and from what I know you are an awesome person and a devoted wife and mom.
What I do with my kids stuff is display the big stuff like tests or pictures they are really proud of or just made for me. Then I toss it each month except the special things they make me on holidays, those I keep in a box but I have to limit myself from keeping everything! Mail some of the pictures to the grandparents that way they get to see the kids work as well.
Being organzied is not always great. I am ocd about things and I end up spending too much time on that and not enough on the things that are important like my kids. I find myself getting stressed over a dirty house instead of playing with the kids and cleaning all day and they are only going to be little for a short time, I have to work on that! Hugs, you are a great person and you have to remember that!
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I keep my receipts to make sure I write purchases down in my checkbook register or to check against monthly credit card statements and then I toss them. Unless there’s something on it that might need to be returned and then I keep it with the checkbook until I’ve decided to keep the item, then I toss it. Does that help?
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Lol – this reminds me so much of my house! I too struggle with the papers that come home. I’ve taken to throwing them all away and just keeping 1 or 2 in the scrapbooks (that haven’t been updated in 4 years) to capture that year – usually art work.
Receipts are everywhere! I finally got a big ziplock bag and stuff them all in there – then when I do taxes I pull them all out – organize them and throw most away. I did have someone tell me to put garden supply receipts in an envelope in your shed or garage because most places have a 1 year guarantee on plants (such as Lowes). I haven’ t done it – but sounds good!
OH – and I buy organizational tools to organize my organizational tools. Did you know the energy to implement them isn’t included in the package? Apparently that costs extra.
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I could have written this post and I don’t even have my kids full time! My house is a wreck all the time. I can’t even SEE my kids bedroom floor. I’m a terrible housekeeper (and I live in a tiny apartment!).
The thing is, though, I don’t let myself feel guilty about it. Of all the things to feel bad about, the cleanliness of my house is waaaaay at the bottom of my list.
Here’s what I do about the paper: I give each kid a weekly spot on the fridge. ONE PIECE EACH. (Of course your fridge is going to be more covered than mine.) When something new comes home that’s special/awesome (I let them pick it), it replaces whatever WAS on the fridge. I take a photo of anything cool and then I pitch it. NOTHING stays. That’s what my hard drives are for.
I keep my receipts in a file folder and I only go through it every six months or so. If I need to save something for taxes, I write TAXES on it in big letters right as I get the receipt, so I won’t accidentally throw it away. It works. (And for a financial planner, I SUCK at filing/staying on top of my finances.)
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I don’t know if yours is the story of “the perpetually unorganized mom”, or just a very common thread that runs through all of us: “simply, perpetually, unorganized.” I try, but, I have NO children, one significant other, and a black lab who only donates the occasional vet receipt to the party….and it seems to take me hours on end to get all of that shit sorted/filed/shredded. I think some of us have “it”, and some of us don’t. Yet another way in which we are alike, my love.
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la, (((HUG))) all i can say is that i empathize with you. paper and laundry kill us.
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I throw away receipts as soon as I’ve checked the online banking and see that what was debited from my account matches the receipt I have. And I toss oil change receipts into the glove box so everyone knows that the oil was changed.
I had the girls choose one art item each term to put in their keep box and the rest got thrown out. These days, you can scan those projects and 100% test scores into the computer and sort them by child and grade level. Then when they graduate you can give them a little flash drive of their life.
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I throw out all receipts and school work! I keep maybe one cute project per year. Usually a hand written story or picture. Spelling tests? Right in the trash. And I still have tons of crap in my house.
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Laura – This sounds so much like me! I feel like I’m always balancing dangerously close to disaster, but somehow the train keeps going. I hate receipts. I have given up. I shred them hoping I won’t need them again. As for the mountains of school work – I have the same problem. I have a scanner and I have started scanning in the special or important pieces and recycling the rest. I have a long way to go, but it is easing up on the paper clutter that starts to take on a life of itself. Good luck!
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{{{Laura}}} You sound really overwhelmed. I think if I had 5 children, I would feel that way a lot, too. That paperwork they bring home alone is enough to drive a person to the edge! With my kids, I have just saved the *really* special things in a folder and the 100%s, I’ve hung on the fridge for some time (until the next great paper came along).
Receipts – I like the idea about envelopes that someone else mentioned. Personally, I reconcile my account in Quicken often enough that I normally remember most amounts, so I toss all but major item purchase receipts.
Regarding the guilt – I LOVE Melody Beattie’s take on the topic. Here’s a good reading from one of her books: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/143462-language-letting-go-february-8-a.html
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I have a a small file folder by my computer where receipts go. At the end of each month, I put them in an envelope and label it the month/ year. I like to hold on to receipts for a while because I am always returning things etc.
At the end of the year I throw the envelopes with my tax stuff in case I need any receipts for anything, and then when I feel like it I shred them. Ha!
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At the end of each day as I’m getting ready for bed, I run mentally run through the list of my achievements for the day. When I used to feel really down I’d include things like taking a shower on the list, but most of the time the list contains more substantial accomplishments, like doing 16 loads of laundry, digging up two buckets of weeds, cleaning closets, and yes, filing receipts. Helps me put a positive spin on the day.
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Laura, I love that you make me feel normal too. I hate the little pieces of paper!! And I have a mom who shows love by giving me coupons every time I see her. I realized I NEVER looked at receipts, I just started saying “no thanks” at the counter, and using my phone to check my bank balance on line. Just say no!
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This post could be a page from my diary. You’re certainly not alone!
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