30 Days of Truth – Day Three
(This is a writing prompt for Day Three in a month-long series – details here!)
Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I have lots of things to forgive myself for. I used to have a neighbor who told me I should become Catholic, since I already have the backpack full of guilt I carry at all times. Think going to confession would help me? Probably not. I do carry a lot of guilt, though, over things that occurred years and even decades ago. I feel guilty about so many things I’ve said and done, and especially things I said I’d do and didn’t follow through on.
What dogs me the most, though, is my divorce. Practically a decade has passed since I left Kayley’s dad, and we’re at a wonderful place NOW. We get along fabulously, and now that I’ve grown up a little bit, and time has healed all the emotional wounds, I can see and really appreciate what a generous, kind person he can be. I count him among the most important people in my life, and I’m thankful that we get along so well.
It’s taken me a long, long, LONG time to see “where we went wrong” and why things turned out the way they did. It’s only been through the last few years that I’ve grown and gained enough wisdom and life experience to realize that it wasn’t really anyone’s fault. There are specific incidents where we each fucked things up, but overall, it just wasn’t meant to be. He’s a great guy, but he wasn’t the great guy for me. And that’s something you can’t SEE when you get married at 21 to your first serious boyfriend.
Still, I feel major guilt over breaking up our family and uprooting Kayley from her “stable” home life. I suspect many of the issues she struggles with today have to do with our divorce, and that kills me. But I did the best I could at the time, and made the only decision I COULD make. So, yeah. I guess I need to let that go and move forward with our lives. Like the saying goes, what’s in front of you is far more important than what’s behind you.
I love that saying: “what’s in front of you is far more important than what’s behind you.” I need to remind myself of that too.
It’s amazing how grown-up we think we are in our 20′s, then discover 20yrs later how much more growing up we really had to do! I’m sure you’ll be able to give Kayley much sage advice from your experiences. Whether they listen to us or not, one thing our mistakes offer is a lesson we can teach our kids so that they will hopefully avoid the same ones!
.-= Chris Bird´s last blog ..Breakfast in Bed =-.
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