I’m sure you can imagine how many chicken nuggets and sticks of string cheese we go through in this house. Buying our pantry and freezer staples in ginormous quantities just makes sense for our family, so we spend quite a bit of time and money in Costco. And I think I may have posted here in the past about the battle Paul and I have with each other over Costco versus Sam’s Club. He prefers Costco, while I like Sam’s Club. We’ve compromised by switching off each year.

We’re sort of dorks about it, really. Normal people don’t have lengthy discussions about the pros and cons of Costco and Sam’s Club. In my mind, it shouldn’t matter: I do the shopping, so I should pick where we shop. The end. In Paul’s mind, Costco has yummier pizza, so I should shop at Costco. Never mind the fact that I NEVER buy pizza there. I like Sam’s Club, because there are just so MANY of them. You can be anywhere in metro Denver and be 10 minutes away from a Sam’s Club, but Costco locations are few and far between. Still, in the end, I decided that Costco had a slight edge over Sam’s Club, and the deciding factor was their individually wrapped frozen chicken breasts. Can you stand the excitement?

I’m not a big fan of shopping at either store, really. When it’s just the girls and I, it’s not too bad, but when you add Pablo into the mix, look out. On a good day, it’s a challenge. On a bad day, it’s a clusterfuck and a half. Pablo’s doing “better” with public outings, but he’s still easily agitated in public, gets overwhelmed around crowds of people and bright lights and beeping sounds, and it’s not at all unusual for him to break out in a sprint from one end of the aisle to the other. And did I leave out the occasional shrieking? Those of you with autistic children know this shriek well. It’s really not that bad. Most of the time, he seems like a typical, excited 5-year-old child. The only thing that sets him apart from other kids is the way he has to open and close every single freezer door while we make our way down the aisle. Or the way he constantly clicks his tongue. Or the way he gets REALLY, REALLY HAPPY when we see a ceiling fan, or a forklift, or a stop sign. Things that you wouldn’t expect people to even notice, let alone find annoyance with.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to inconspicuously blend into the crowd of shoppers at Costco. Every single time we shop at Costco, I am almost overwhelmed by the hostility of the other shoppers, the staff, and even the old ladies who give out food samples. As we make our way through the store, I see people looking at us, sighing heavily, giving us that “WTF?” sideways glance, and even whispering to one another while looking right at my son. And you know me, right? I’m friendly! I’m patient! I’m Suzy Fucking Sunshine, man! I always smile at people. I always say, “Excuse us,” and “Whoops, sorry about that,” if we’re in the way and I always make sure our cart is way off to the side instead of right in the middle of the aisle. In most stores, we get what we need and get on our way, and life goes on for everyone. At Costco, I find myself going, “Really? You’re glaring at me because my kids are singing too loudly?”

At first, I thought it was the clientèle. The Costco nearest to us is in an area where a lot of cranky older people shop. Like my parents, for example. I’ve made a point of shopping at several other Costco stores throughout the summer, though, in various parts of town, and I’ve encountered the same hostility at every store. Okay, so here’s the deal. I’m not naive enough to think that other people are going to enjoy being around my kids as much as I do. And I fully support the whole, “If everyone thinks you’re an asshole, chances are it’s not them, it’s you” theory. I’m not entirely opposed to the idea that my family brings chaos with it wherever we go. But - why am I able to shop at Sam’s Club without getting the hairy eyeball? Why can I get through Wal-Mart without feeling like I need to tearfully defend my 5-year-old? Why is it not that big of a deal to go to King Soopers? It’s only when we go to Costco that I find myself hating life.

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