I wanted to briefly post about a phenomenon that completely confuses me. I’m pretty much a mellow, easygoing, go-with-the-flow kind of gal. This has worked out well, considering the blessings the universe has bestowed upon me in the form of five children. However, I don’t deal well with those who lack empathy or compassion, and sometimes it feels like I have to spell out the difference between being an easygoing, go-with-the-flow kind of gal and being someone who doesn’t care about anyone or anything. The two are vastly different! I don’t care what we do. I don’t care where we go. I know we’re going to have fun together because I like you, and I like being with you. Notice that I didn’t say anything along the lines of, I don’t care about you, I don’t care what happens to you, or I don’t care what you think of me. I care greatly about the people I choose to have in my life.

Recently, I was at a party where everyone was having a smashingly good time. Someone brought a party guest, a “friend of the family” they’ve known for years, who sort of has a reputation for being a little punk. True to form, this person got fairly liquored up, started to behave inappropriately, and made a huge scene when asked to leave. The incident ended with physical violence, shouting, drama, terrified children, and a crying host. As I watched the events unfold, I couldn’t help but think, WHY is this person a friend of the family? There’s no rule written anywhere that you have to allow crazy people into your life, just because you’ve known them for a long time. The fact that we have a history together does not automatically grant you access into my circle of close friends. I felt so bad for the party hosts, who were clearly stuck in an uncomfortable, awkward situation.

This isn’t the first time I’ve witnessed this sort of event, though – I’ve seen many people I care about being abused in one way or another by volatile, unpredictable people that they keep allowing to come around. And inevitably, a few days later, the person apologizes and the whole situation is forgotten about, until the next time it happens. My personal stance is that I don’t like apologies, and I don’t generally look for them. Many folks seem to think that an apology erases whatever damage occurred, which really is not the case at all. Like the analogy of hammering nails into a board – you can remove every last nail, but the holes will remain. Saying sorry doesn’t really fix anything. If you’re really sorry, stop being an asshole.

Why are people so quick to forgive and forget? I’m not going to cut ties with someone because they pissed me off or anything, but there comes a point where you have to evaluate the relationship and perhaps say, okay, yeah. You need to get the fuck out of my life, for good. Do you have friends who behave unpredictably? At what point do YOU say enough is enough?


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