So. An update.
July 23, 2008 by LaLaLaura
Filed under Family, Me & the Mister, Teh Crazy, The Monkeys
I’m SURE you’ve been wondering exactly what the hell’s been going on in my world besides all this corrupted database/wonky ass domain redirect bullshit. And, I’m gonna tell ya.
Okay. The kids! They started Kindergarten. I mentioned that, but I failed to mention how completely stressed out I was about all of it because I was doing everything all by my lonesome, while Paul was off being a big, bad biker. I got the kids registered at their new school, bought school supplies, took the kids to orientation, washed and hung all their school clothes, and then took them to their first day of kindergarten by myself. (Well, with Kayley.)
Looking back now, I’m thinking, “So?” but at the time, I was freaking the fuck out. I really don’t know why. Paul goes to Sturgis every year, and I do FINE while he’s gone. One year, I even threw a party! The infamous Mommy’s Happy Hour Playdate of 2006. Last year, I kept the kids in their good routine, and even got up early every day. Go, me. But this time, I just couldn’t hang, man. I don’t know why. I have no idea what my deal was. I was kind of struck down by some serious anxiety, though. I’ve not dealt with a whole lot of anxiety, so I wasn’t sure if that’s what it was, or if I was losing my mind altogether. Either possibility seemed plausible.
So while Paul was off hanging around with these guys:
doing things like this:
I was mostly sitting at home hanging out with these knuckleheads:
doing stuff like this:
I know. There’s nothing more relaxing than a nice quiet soak in the tub.
By the end of the week, I was really starting to freak out about being the only adult in the house, so I invited these two over for a beer:
Honestly, I think having the two of them over helped calm my nerves quite a bit. It’s always grounding, I think, to visit with people who’ve known you most of your life. And it was a blast watching them play with my kids!
Paul was gone for ten whole days. That’s a longass time to be gone. I think it’s more like the equivalent of being gone at least a month, since I was on my own with five children. I think you can almost measure it out in dog years under those circumstances. And again, I usually do so well! I’m supermom, man! This time, not so much. I had so many moments where I just couldn’t calm down – it’s almost like I was paralyzed by this intense, crushing sense of dread. I don’t know if I was freaking out because my husband was a thousand miles away, riding around on a motorcycle dodging wildfires, or if it was because the kids were starting kindergarten. Maybe both. Whatever the cause, though, it SUCKED. It really sucked ass.
And it’s not as though I was completely on my own, either – I had Kayley with me almost the whole time. And my mom came over one night so I could go to a twin club board meeting. I barely made it to the meeting, though, because I kept finding myself bawling, all the way there. I just could not seem to pull up my big girl britches and get my shit together, for the life of me. I made it, though. I went to the meeting, I took the kids to kindergarten all week, I did stuff with the kids. And then when Paul came home, I swear, the sense of relief was almost overwhelming!
And I figured, the best thing for me to do once Paul got home was to get the heck out of dodge myself. So, when my sister invited me to come up to Vail for the weekend to hang out, I jumped at the chance! I drove up there Friday night and we had such a good time doing absolutely nothing.
She’s broke; I’m broke, and there isn’t much to do in a resort town without spending a bunch of cash, so we just hung out at her hotel. We walked across the street to the bar a couple of times, but mostly we just drank wine and sat in the hot tub:
God, it was glorious. I usually feel guilty about not doing something fun and exciting during my alone time, since those stolen moments happen so infrequently. But this time, I just went with it. I laid in bed in an air conditioned hotel room and slept in reeeeeally late. I took advantage of the free wi-fi and watched every clip on YouTube that went into the making of that new Weezer video, Pork and Beans. I read an entire Cosmo magazine. I got a pedicure!
And then I came home, and dicked around with my WordPress installation for two whole days. I guess that’s the end of my story! Supermom Gets Taken Down A Notch By Her Own Neurosis.
Dude, you’re always supermom in my book.
Kim in SLC’s last blog post..The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Can I just say how excited I was when I clicked on my link . . .and it worked?
Nice to see you all installed and everything.
Congrats on having kindergarteners again! I thought that was so much fun.
threeundertwo’s last blog post..Haiku Wednesday V
Hey I was cruisin’ Mile High Mamas and found your blog. Sorry about your mini nervous breakdown. I’m a single mom and I feel like that sometimes, always with the mantra of “Just keep on keepin’ on” to get me through.
Wine in a hot tub sounds like a perfect remedy.
hanna’s last blog post..Flat Iron Christmas
When my husband went out of town for 2 weeks, when the girls were 1 year old it felt like 3 months. I refer to it as the “time he abandoned me.” I did not sleep because I was the ONLY adult around and if the girls cried I had to be awake to hear them. My parents helped a ton but I felt overwhelmed with responsibility. I was so glad when he returned. I’m with ya! I was at that meeting and you didn’t even let on that you were freaking! Or maybe you did – I hope you let someone know! Let me know next time.
girl, welcome to my world. i have anxiety/panic attacks on a near daily basis, as well as borderline agoraphobia (defined in wikipedia as “an anxiety disorder, often precipitated by the fear of having a panic attack in a setting from which there is no easy means of escape. as a result, sufferers of agoraphobia may avoid public and/or unfamiliar places. in severe cases, the sufferer may become confined to their home, experiencing difficulty traveling from this “safe place.”
in fact, i stopped shopping at malls several years ago because i a) saw no easy means of escape from too many stupid people, and 2) in a 4-story mall, while on the escalator, i suddenly had the urge to start shoving people over the edge to get them the hell out of my way. so i do all of my shopping online now…
god bless you for having the patience and some semblance of sanity to deal with everything while paul was gone. god bless you for allowing him to go to sturgis every year; that would not fly at my house. oh no you didn’t!
Hey sh*t happens and sometimes you’re not as strong as you’d like to be. No shame in that.
Sara’s last blog post..A Confession
okay just so you know you are a legend and I don’t even know you. I saw the coffee spill-yup been there many times and been equally pissed about it–don’t have 5 kids, just three boys but came from a family of five—hectic..you are a saint..
and I’m certain that time away was fabulous for you–I’m sorry to read that you guys had a good friend that moved away–that is difficult, but now you have another place to have a girls weekend away–and you will enjoy it way too much..
kindergarten? In July? How come? In chicago or at least in the burbs in my woods (ERIN WILL TELL YA!) they start public aug. 19th.
wow! When do they get out of school, March?
lol
congrats on making it through your time with hub gone..it’s hard but equally nice to have the same routine 24/7
you are welcome for my entry.. it was fun!!
Always,
Crusty~
CRUSTYBEEF’s last blog post..To Breast Or Not To Breast with trust
Crusty – (heh – I feel weird calling you that)
Re: kindergarten in July…I know! Isn’t it weird? It’s actually year round school, though, in the district we moved to. The kids go for about 9 weeks and then get out for 3 weeks, all year long. It keeps them from getting all burned out on school and helps them retain what they’ve learned. Also, it works out beautifully for us, since our son is autistic and really thrives in a structured environment. Summer break is always a pain in the ass for him!
Shawn, I actually thought of you while I was going through some of it – I know you’ve had lots of issues with anxiety! How do you get through it? Is it just mind over matter??
Julie – did you notice I showed up late to the meeting? I had to give myself a little pep talk first. Ha! The huge pitcher of sangria there helped me get over myself!!
Hey Girl, I found your blog through Erin…and I LOVE it! I can barely make it through a normal 8 hour day without my husband…can’t imagine 10 whole days! I would die for sure. Thanks for the comment on my blog…I’ve added you as a blog I’m reading. Thanks for running the stroller give-away!
KStro’s last blog post..Life is for Everyone
I am sorry hun, I know what it can be like to have a very stressed day, week and maybe even month and it sucks.
laurie’s last blog post..Fireworks Are Still Going In Our Household (Humor)
I always freak out at the idea if being left alone with the kids…
I think it is just the “what if…” scenarios that make it frightening. I freaked out when my husband left me for only two months with only ONE kid. I was pregnant at the time as well though, so it could have contributed to the freaked-out feelings.
And you are SO totally welcome for me entering your stroller contest.
So many smileys over here, I need to utilize some:
cancan’s last blog post..The Life Sabai
You have always been and always will be Supermom to me. I would be totally stressed out too if I was alone with five kids for ten days. I nearly lost my shit when it was just me and Hayley and George was gone for three days to Texas (then again, my fridge died the morning after he left so that didn’t help).
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