I think I need wine.

I’m about to lose my shit up in here. The kids are starting kindergarten in just a matter of days, and I’m so disorganized, and we aren’t in our good, early-to-bed routine even remotely, and I’m beginning to wonder what made me think it would be a good idea to enroll them in year round school that begins in friggin JULY. I haven’t even found school supplies yet at a reasonable price. Grrr!

Paul is off doing guy stuff for a bit and I’m all alone with this houseful of rotten children, who are really quite adorable and charming, but who are pushing ALL of my buttons today. Somehow, the living room and kitchen went from spotless (no, really. I even shined my flour cannister and dusted the knife block and vacuumed the ceiling vents, for fuck’s sake) to “looks like a tornado hit it” in about twelve hours time. I can’t even figure out how this happened. We didn’t even eat dinner here last night?

I started to type out all the stupid shit I have to do and clean and pick up and organize and repair and prepare, and it struck me how ridiculous it all is – it’s all just silly, mundane, boring housewife stuff that isn’t going anywhere, and it’s going to be lurking around the corner waiting for me tonight, and tomorrow, and next Tuesday, and next Christmas, and next spring, too. Yet, it still manages to close in on me and crush me with that whole “overwhelming dread” thing.

And I know that I am so, so, SO much happier, more pleasant to be around, and far less yelly when things are organized, running on a tight schedule, and the house is clean. Yet, I can’t seem to get us there and KEEP us there! And this limbo thing we’re doing, between “we’re on summer vacation” and “we’re getting up at the buttass crack o’ dawn to go to school every day” is killing me! I can’t wait until we’re THERE, and we’re past all this chaos and disorder and uncertainty. Can I have the kids buy lunch at school, or will I have to sell my grandma’s jewelry in order to make that happen? Are the lunches remotely nutritious, or will I want to just pack their lunches every day anyway? Will Paul be able to get the kids to school on time, or will I be facing the hairy eyeball every day from the teacher when I go pick them up?

I don’t know why this is stressing me out so much. I think part of it is just that summer break has gone by in a flash. We just got back from our California vacation like five minutes ago! Okay, it was June 1st, but still – it feels like I’m still adjusting to being HOME from vacation! Why can’t I adapt more quickly? Aren’t I supposed to be Supermom and all that? Why is my house in disarray? Why am I buried under laundry a month after getting home?

Kayley’s on her way here, coming home a day early from a family reunion she went to with her dad’s parents. I’m so happy she’s coming home! I know she’s only 12 (almost 13!) but it’s still nice to have a conversation with someone about topics other than Princesses and Caillou and which fruit rollups are the best. At least Kayley and I can talk about her hatred for The Jonas Brothers and look at lolcats together.

I think we’re going to make our own pizzas tonight, à la Mandajuice. All that cheese and fat and olive oily goodness has got to cheer me up, right?

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This entry was posted on Saturday, July 5th, 2008 at 4:29 pmand is filed under Teh Crazy, The Monkeys. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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