Almost Friday!

Y’know, I’ve been writing posts every Friday over at How Do You Do It, right? The twin mama blog that features writing from a dozen or so awesome chicks like myself? Well. This is my third Friday, and the third time I’ve had to scramble to get something written because, why? Because my kids are sick!! A couple of weeks ago, they were fine, but I was sick. It’s getting old, for sure. I really do think we’re past the worst of it, though, as the kids are doing so much better than they were a few days ago! I think I may even take Mallory to school tomorrow. Pablo doesn’t have school on Fridays, or I’d take him too.

Anyway! I’ve been wanting to write about the importance of twin clubs, and what a great support they are for twin mamas. If you’ve been following along for the past four years, you may remember that I was apprehensive about joining a club, and at first, didn’t feel like it was going to work out at all because it seemed a little cliquish and I felt like I was getting the cold shoulder. I really put myself out there, though, and made lots of friends, and now I’m super active in the club – I’m even on the board!

The other night, after our monthly meeting, a few of us went out for drinks and I heard from probably half a dozen people that they felt like the club was very cliquish when the joined, and they had a hard time fitting in and finding people to talk to. I was actually surprised! I thought the club had started really paying attention to the needs of new members, but I’m thinking that maybe that isn’t the case. I actually went back through my ancient blog archives (which are no longer online) and it was interesting reading my reaction to the club when I first joined. (Uh…yes, I was a bit more of a potty mouth than I am now. Hey, it was a password-protected blog, back then!)

Last night I went to the monthly meeting of the moms of multiples group I joined back in September. It’s actually the first meeting I’ve been able to attend SINCE September, because for various reasons (sick kids/sick me/couldn’t get a sitter) I couldn’t go to the October or the November meeting. Anyway.

I sat down and felt quite self conscious as I really don’t know ANYONE there. The one chick I met at the September meeting, and at the twin sale, who seeemed nice – well, she wasn’t there. Eventually, I realized the woman next to me was A Talker, and so I actually had someone to talk to all evening, even if it was just, “Oh really?” and “Wow!” and “Hmmm, that sounds neat…”

Afterward, I approached the director chick and asked her what I need to do to get into a “small group” – they have the whole group subdivided by children’s ages. It ticks me off that in three months, no one has EVER called me, EVER contacted me, at all – about playgroups, pregnancy groups, getting meals delivered after the babies are born – NOTHING. Fer fuck’s sake, I’m due in a month. I feel VERY excluded. Especially when I asked her if the one chick I met the first night (who is due around the same time I am) had her babies yet and she said, “Not last I spoke to her, but I am due to call her this week…” Fuck, bitch, what about ME? Nobody’s ever called to check on me? We joined the same night We are due at the same time. Did I not kiss enough ass to be considered an ACTUAL MEMBER of the club? Yeah, I haven’t been able to make all the meetings – but…wouldn’t that be more of a reason to pick up the phone and say, “Hey…just wanted to check on you!” Or, “Hey, since you’re pregnant with twins and taking care of one-year-old twins, we thought we’d better get RIGHT in touch with you to get you a big sister you can call for support!” But no. Nothing. Why did I sign up for all that crap at the first meeting then? Ugh. The whole thing is just pissing me off, and quite honestly – really hurting my feelings! I’m about ready to call them up and say, “Okay. Give me my twenty five bucks back! To hell with you all!” Hmph.

I had really forgotten how much all of that really hurt my feelings! I ended up sending an email to everyone on the board, letting them know how annoyed and hurt I was, and basically insisting that they notice me. I don’t remember what the reply was to all of that, since this was right around the time the girls were born and I’ve forgotten A LOT of details from those weeks – but I can tell you that the board collectively gathered up a care package for us and someone brought it over to me after the girls were born. They brought something like FIVE HUNDRED diapers, cans of formula, Target gift cards, fancy lotion for me, toys, etc. It was such a nice gesture, although I really think they did it because they felt like crap when I pointed out how they’d completely ignored me when I needed a little support!

It’s hard to imagine being so bitter and hurt by these women who are now all friends of mine! I can now see how EASY it is to just let things fall through the cracks. We’re all in volunteer positions, and all of us have twins, and most of us have ridiculous crazy lives on top of that. Still, though, reading through all of that and remembering how upset I was, and then hearing the other night that other moms have felt this way recently – it makes me feel bad. I think more needs to be done to make sure the newbies feel comfortable in the club. I’ll be bringing that up at the next board meeting.

Random LaLa Goodness

• April 10, 2007 -- Quickly…
• May 2, 2008 -- Speaking of camera snobbery…
• November 6, 2007 -- Congrats, K!
• March 13, 2007 -- What a difference a day makes!
• April 21, 2005 -- I could probably come up with a title if I weren’t so tired.