Thank God it’s over.
I am worn the hell OUT, man. Kayley’s Mallory’s preschool class held a holiday party today, and for some ridiculous reason, her nutty teacher decided it would be fabulous to have this party from 9 am until TWO! Five hours for a party for 4-year-olds and their parents and siblings. There was a pizza party about halfway through, which partially broke up the monotony, but OMG. It was the single most boring day I’ve had this entire year.
The little girls were so bitchy by about the third hour. There were stories. Long, boring stories. There were songs. Many of them. There was a parade through the entire school where the kids sang jingle bells and played tambourines and triangles and cymbals. Prior to the parade, there was a twenty minute period where the teacher passed out instruments to each child, one by one, in a little sing-song fashion. There was a rousing game of pin-the-nose-on-the-Rudolph, where each child had to pause after placing their nose for a picture. There was a fire drill, which was AWESOME, because it got us all out in the fresh air so we could wake up for fifteen minutes. Aside: it pissed me off that Mallory’s teacher told the kids over and over, “No coats! We do NOT HAVE TIME TO GET COATS when there’s a fire drill!” Well, I agree with that. It’s important to stress to the kids that they need to just organize themselves and get the heck out when they hear that alarm. However, I think it sets a pretty poor example when the teacher tells them they can’t grab coats, but then grabs her own and puts it on. What the hell?
I had to go over to Pablo’s class and retrieve him at his 11:30 dismissal time, and his teacher and I giggled about Mallory’s teacher and her nutty ideas. Introducing Pablo to the Longest Party Ever added a whole new level of chaos to the event, too. I was SO glad that we headed down to the cafeteria right about that time to stuff ourselves with pizza and apple juice. After we ate, we spent a good twenty minutes getting everyone to the bathroom to use the potty and wash hands. And that was actually a challenge – it was the first time I had to deal with gender specific bathrooms. I enlisted the help of one of the dads to keep an eye on Pablo for a second while I got the girls into the bathroom.
After we had lunch, went potty, washed hands, and made our way back to the classroom, we had two more stories before we FINALLY got to the dang gift exchange, which was the only thing we were waiting around for. The teacher plucked presents one by one from a big pile, reading the names on the tag and having the gift giver come up and get the gift and then take it to the receiver. After all THIRTY-ONE kids had their gifts, they sang a song. And then everyone opened their gifts. AND THEN, everyone showed their gifts to the teacher one by one.
About this time, parents were starting to put coats on and gather up purses and sway from side to side and make big heavy sighing sounds. It wasn’t just me. I always think it’s just me, y’know? Like, I’m more sensitive to being subjected to FIVE HOURS OF BORINGNESS with my four little ones because of Pablo’s disability. But no. Everyone there was wearing that expression that says, “I smell onions.” FIIIIINALLY, Mrs. Crazy gave us the all clear, and everyone got the fuck out of there. I heard one mom say, “This is the longest I’ve been in school in twenty years!” and another mom said, “We are GOING. I am SO OVER being inside this classroom! Get your stuff!” So, yeah. Not just me.
And then the kids were SO HAPPY to be outdoors, they lost their flippin’ minds. It was like that movie where the sun only comes out one day a year and the kids have ONE DAY to enjoy the great outdoors. I couldn’t get them to walk down the sidewalk with me in a nice orderly fashion. I couldn’t get them to cross the street safely. I actually had to boot Nikki in the ass with my foot to get her out of the street, since I was carrying an armful of coats and party treats.
I am so happy to be home. So very happy. I have to go to the grocery store to buy stuff for Christmas dinner, but I don’t even care. Right now, I’m just so damned happy that I’m sitting on my ass in my house, away from that classroom of captivity. What the hell, man? Five hours? Really? A party for preschoolers that goes on the entire day? I’m about to injure my eyeballs from rolling them so hard.
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Laura, also known as LaLaGirl, is the mother of a teenager and two young sets of twins. She's happily married, loves living in Colorado, and writes almost daily about married life, raising multiples, and parenting a child with autism.
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December 20th, 2007 at 6:03 pm
ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s all I can do, is laugh and laugh!!!!
December 20th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
That teacher is nucking futs!! We had our two Christmas parties today. In the morning the parents joined us at 10:00 AM and decorated little gingerbread houses with their kids, had some lunch, sang some songs delivered their gifts to their friends, sang a song and went home at the usual time of 11:30. We did the same thing with the afternoon group.
Good GAWD I would go crackers with a 5 hours party!
December 20th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
5 hours? Is that teacher on crack? After the 2.5 hour party we did for Halloween I was ready to pull my hair out. 5 hours for 31 children, she must have had a flask in her desk!!
December 20th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
OMG that is ridiculous!!! I can’t even imagine what in the hell she was thinking. (And by the way, you said “Kayley’s preschool class” in your first sentence, lol. You’ve gone loopy.)
My class Christmas parties started at 10, and the parents were gone and we were vacuuming by 11. Good grief!!!
December 20th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Oh! And the coat thing pisses me off! I’d actually mention that to the school office. Seriously.
December 20th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
She certainly gets the nuttiest teacher in the world award as far as I’m concerned.
Best wishes
December 20th, 2007 at 9:15 pm
Wow Laura… that’s definitely nutty. And the coat? Ridiculous. I’d complain to someone about that…
December 20th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
That woman is a freak, Laura. Seriously. Report her ass.
December 20th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Okay, that preschool teacher is the MOST insane!!! WTH?!?!?! Oy. Bless you, and all the parents, for getting through the insanity!!!
December 21st, 2007 at 6:31 am
Wow. And I thought the prospect of a three hour party was way too long for four-year-old preschool!
Glad you survived it…
December 21st, 2007 at 11:07 am
LMAO…I love the way you tell the story to make us all be there with you.
So glad that day is over for you!
December 21st, 2007 at 11:51 am
OMG!!!! PARTY FROM HELL! WHAT was she THINKING???
December 21st, 2007 at 1:38 pm
As a teacher there is NO WAY I would ever do that to myself let alone unsuspecting parents. So sorry for the loss of five precious hours of your life.
December 21st, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Laura, you + me = some quality bar time? Lets go! =)
December 21st, 2007 at 6:36 pm
I could NOT even imagine a party of FIVE hours in a classroom of mind numbing activities. I totally would have made up some excuse about “mama has a headache” and get the heck out of dodge. I love my kids and I love some other kids (ha!) but I really do not dig classroom time—not one bit.
Guess that’s why I’m never nominated as PTA President.