I’m tired of being at home, dammit! Tomorrow, we’re going out somewhere. I think we’re going to meet up some friends at the mall to play for a bit. I think my kids are tired of just playing with each other and I know I’m ready to hear another adult voice!!

Today’s been okay. We didn’t go anywhere. I did a bunch of cleaning and got a bit of laundry done. Mallory stripped naked during her nap and pooped in her crib, and it actually traumatized the hell out of her. She started screaming for me, “Caca, mommy! Caca!!!” I got her to poop the rest of it in the toilet and then threw her in the tub and cleaned poop off the toilet, the crib rails, MYSELF, etc. Yay!! And yesterday during naptime, BOTH kids stripped naked – Mallory peed all over her bed – it’s as if she ran around peeing – every stuffed animal and blanket and toy and everything was moist. I threw it all in the wash – the stuffed animals and everything – and they came out surprisingly clean and looking brand new. I never would have thought you could throw stuffed animals in the wash like that. It may be because we have those front loading appliances that are more gentle and use less water. Anyway – she was the easy one yesterday. PABLO was nekkid in his crib, and had pulled his diaper apart, and spread the insides of it everywhere. For those of you without small children, there’s some sort of substance inside diapers that makes them absorbent. It expands into this weird, sticky, gel-like substance – like little gel beads that smell like chemicals and piss. It looked like a bomb had gone off inside his crib. And I discovered this ten minutes before the speech therapist arrived at our house. I had to just shake pablo’s bedding and stuff into the tub and then throw it in the wash. I got both the kids downstairs and re-clothed before the ST got here, amazingly. Later on, I had to drag the damned vacuum upstairs and vacuum that crap out of Pablo’s crib – his crib tent kept it all neatly contained in there!!

So, I think it’s time to try duct tape. If I could just get those two interested in the potty, that sure would be great!! They’re just not into it, though. Mallory will try. Pablo doesn’t even realize that pee and poo come out of his body – I think he just wonders why I keep chasing him down and tackling him in order to forcibly change his diaper. He hates it so much, but I swear – he’ll just stand there naked, pissing, sometimes, like before a bath or something – and it’s like he doesn’t even realize it’s happening! Is this a boy thing?

I swear. I can’t wait for the day when the only ass I have to wipe is my own.

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